Reflection & Writing

There are around eight billion perspectives alive in the world today, and there have been roughly 117 billion since the beginning of time. It is essential to understand your own perspective, as it is unique to you at a very granular level. However, when it comes to considering someone else's perspective, extracting meaning is not always simple. I once heard that all of life's most straightforward questions are also the most complex to answer.

Perspectives matter because they are the framework we all start with to arrive at a level of truth, meaning, or understanding. As I get older, I the less I know, but the more I understand. Understanding comes from considering perspectives, both mine and others'. Perspective is not only about a point of view on a topic; it is also about how you perceive your experiences. Our perspective is our framework of being.

“This is why the same external events or circumstances affect no two people alike; even with perfectly similar surroundings every one lives in a world of his own. . . . The world in which a man lives shapes itself chiefly by the way in which he looks at it, and so it proves different to different men; to one it is barren, dull, and superficial; to another rich, interesting, and full of meaning. On hearing of the interesting events which have happened in the course of a man’s experience, many people will wish that similar things had happened in their lives too, completely forgetting that they should be envious rather of the mental aptitude which lent those events the significance they possess when he describes them.

—Arthur Schopenhauer”

I have long desired to write, but for years I have put it off. I have started on multiple occasions, but I have never been able to develop the discipline to continue. Recently, I have become interested in the idea of writing my memoir, not because I believe it would be fascinating to a wide audience, but because it would hold personal significance for me and those close to me; it would center around my unique perspective in life. It is no less or more important than the other several billion perspectives.

There were people in my life who have passed away, and I would have loved to understand their perspectives and experiences more deeply, but unfortunately, I will never get the chance. There are also people currently in my life, alive, who I would similarly like to get a better understanding of their experiences and perspectives. You only know of people what they show and tell you, and in many cases, it is not a whole lot.

Several years ago, I was reading "When Breath Becomes Air" on a long, snowy train ride from Birmingham, AL, to New York City. I was deeply impacted by the author's story. He was managing several tensions in his life, reflected on and expressed through his first book, his memoir. Sadly, in the face of his cancer diagnosis and ultimately death, it was his only book and was partially unfinished until his wife completed it. I was inspired. I started writing, but soon stopped again. This was in 2016.

Looking back at all that I have experienced in my life, I regret not committing to the discipline of writing earlier. There are many moments I would do anything to access my thoughts, my perspective, at that time. Sadly, memories fade. I cannot go back in time, but I can begin now. I do not know where this will lead or end, but I hope I follow through and commit to sharing my life experiences and perspectives.

As someone who gets lost in thought often, I see writing as a way to reflect and gain a deeper understanding of myself and my perspectives on life. I am a private person who has spent nearly forty years building walls to avoid vulnerability; hopefully, some have come down, but I have decided the next season of my life will be different.

So here I am. The decision to share my perspectives publicly is complex. On one hand, it may not matter as my audience may not be many, and that's okay. On the other hand, it opens me up to be known, if only by a few, in a way I am uncomfortable with. Dallas Willard, in the Divine Conspiracy, one of my all-time favorite books, stated that people are mostly known by the things unseen. Writing my perspective gives insight into the unseen aspects of myself. I value mystery and privacy, and this will be a tension for me to manage. The good news is, I care a lot less about what people think - it's the beauty of aging.

Already, I have been faced with the question, "Why does my perspective on any topic even matter?" Is this insecurity? I do not think I am an insecure person, or is it just reality? It may not matter at all, or is it just impostor syndrome? At one point in time, we have all wondered why one person's perspective is seen as more important or validated than someone else's. In general, it seems to boil down to who is the loudest, most confident, highest on the spectrum of narcissism, who has a more significant job title, or the most power. Whether any of these are true or not, it does not matter. We all have a choice in how we live, and I think I have just used them as an excuse. Those factors may play a part, but I do not think it is so black and white.

I do not believe all perspectives are equal. There are experts in certain fields, and wisdom is real, and experience does matter. My perspective on quantum physics should not carry the same weight or any weight for that matter as an actual physicist. I believe in evaluating someone's qualifications, along with the fruit of their life. Do they actually live out and model what they say they believe? Is this based on reality, or just feelings? That is what I often look for when considering someone's perspective around a topic. I hope to always be mindful of topics I may not have expertise or knowledge in and recognize my perspectives are limited but not always completely unqualified.

The exchange of ideas and perspectives is not something we are good at as a society. I have learned in my life that many people actually fear this at a deep level. They might not use the word fear, but based on its definition, I believe it is an accurate assessment. We may fear that our beliefs or opinions will be challenged or proven wrong, which can be uncomfortable. We may fear that we will be judged or ridiculed. Or maybe we have some past experience that makes us hesitant. Maybe we fear vulnerability. But I also think we fear because we regurgitate, we say things without doing the work of understanding. Information is too easily accessible now. I think our goal should always be to understand. That takes effort and time. We fear being "found out."

Over time, we get influenced by many things, and they shape us. I think a good strategy for life is being aware and choosing the things you let shape you. My thoughts and perspective have come from a variety of people, places, and experiences. Some are fun, some are serious, some are somewhere in between. I am alive, changing, and learning. My views should not be taken as absolute truth, and space should be given for later change, understanding, or correction; these are my perspectives at this point in time. I am comfortable being wrong and pursuing meaning. I am also comfortable defending an idea that is well thought out. I do not fold to subjectivity easily.

As I have considered my strategy, I have decided the first step is to just write, write daily, publish weekly, and explore my own perspectives. What are they, where did they come from, and are they rooted in some level of truth? I need to work through my own insecurities to come face to face with the things that have kept me from doing this for so long. I need to become a better writer. It is something I have never felt good at but believe I can improve on. I need a creative outlet, and that must be a part of my motivation. The outcome I desire is one day to publish my memoir, for myself, and because I believe everyone should. I am one of 8 billion, so it either matters, or it doesn't.

I've always wondered when is the best time. My conclusion is I don't know, because nothing in life is promised, including life itself. Tomorrow could be to late. So now seems right. But yesterday seemed better. So I'll make the choice to start today, again, and see where it ends up.